Listen first, then sort out the work together
For line managers and teammates who want to respond with care and keep work moving without asking for private details.
Start with the first sentence to say, agree who hears what, then arrange cover and a day to check back.
What this page helps you do
When a colleague loses someone close to them, the kindest practical help is to listen first, let them decide what is shared and with whom, and take the urgent work off their plate without making them ask. Northstar Services is a fictional employer used throughout; its situations and wording show how to coordinate, not what leave, pay or support applies. Local procedures and eligibility differ, and People Operations can explain what applies to your colleague.
Four situations you might be in
How you learned the news changes your first move, and in none of them do you need the details.
- Your colleague tells you directly Stop what you are doing and give them your attention. Say you are sorry, then offer a choice about today: continuing with some work, handing it over, or stepping away. Do not ask what happened, who died or how. Share only what they say you may.
- A teammate hears the news from someone else Do not pass it on or post a message to the team. Tell the colleague's line manager what you heard and let them decide the next step. If you are the line manager, make contact with the colleague yourself before anything is said to others.
- You are asked to cover their work Ask the line manager what you are covering, until when, and what you may say if someone asks where your colleague is. Use only the wording you are given and do not guess at a reason.
- The colleague returns to work Do not make a point of the absence in front of others. A quiet 'Good to see you' is enough. Let them lead on whether they want to talk, and check that the arrangements the manager agreed are still working.
A first sentence you can use
Three short moves, said in your own words.
- Acknowledge: “I’m very sorry.”
- Remove the pressure: “You don’t need to explain anything now.”
- Offer a choice: “Would you like to talk about what would make work easier today?”
Listening and offering a choice works better than pressing for details or promising an arrangement you cannot confirm. Do not say 'take as long as you need' or 'it will be fine' unless People Operations has confirmed it. Say you will find out what applies and come back.
Agree who hears what
An illustrative conversation aid, not a case record. Ask the colleague which row is closest to what they want, then adjust it with them.
| The colleague prefers | What you share | Next contact |
|---|---|---|
| The team may know | Only the wording the colleague approved, for example: “A close family bereavement means they will be away this week.” | The colleague chooses a message or a call, and a day |
| Only the manager and cover know | To the wider team: “They are away unexpectedly and the covering teammate is handling their work.” Nothing more. | The manager agrees one route and one date |
| Nobody beyond People Operations | Tell the team the colleague is away and give the cover contact. Give no reason. Raise sensitive questions only with People Operations. | Through People Operations or the manager, as the colleague asks |
| No contact for now | Ask once how to reach them for an urgent practical matter, then keep to that route and send nothing else. | A date the colleague agrees, or when they get in touch |
The four steps, in order
The line manager usually leads. Every step can be paused if the colleague needs more time.
-
1
Make a sensitive first contact
Speak to the colleague yourself by their preferred route, and call rather than text if you are unsure. Use the three-move opening above. Ask only what you need for the next few days: do they want to keep working today, and what is the best way to reach them. -
2
Agree communication preferences
Ask three questions: who may know, what wording may be used, and how and when they would like to be contacted. Write the answers in your own notes, share them with no one without permission, and keep personal details out of chat channels and email subjects. -
3
Redistribute work
List what is due in the next two weeks and put the time-sensitive items first. Propose a covering teammate for each and tell the colleague what you plan. Ask People Operations how leave and pay work locally before you suggest dates. Keep the colleague out of handover tasks unless they ask to stay involved. -
4
Check back later
Agree a day to be in touch before the first conversation ends, or ask when they would like you to. Keep the check-in short: how are you, is the cover arrangement still working, is there anything about work to change? Offer to move the date if it does not suit them.
Worked example: moving a Thursday client review
A Customer Success Manager at Northstar Services learns of a close family bereavement on Tuesday. A client review is booked for Thursday.
The line manager calls the same morning, uses the opening above and asks how the colleague wants the review handled. The colleague asks that the client is told only that they are unavailable and that a senior colleague will run the session.
What the manager does
- Asks the Senior Account Manager to lead Thursday's review, and shares the account notes already in the shared folder.
- Tells the colleague who is covering and what will be said, and gets a yes before sending anything.
- Sends the client: “The Thursday review will be led by our Senior Account Manager. Please send any questions to the account team channel.”
- Tells the team only that the colleague is away and who to contact for their accounts.
What the manager does not do
- Give the client or the team a reason for the absence.
- Ask the colleague to join the call 'just briefly'.
- Rearrange the whole portfolio in the first week without asking what the colleague would like handled.
On Friday the manager sends a short message: “Thinking of you. The review went as planned. Nothing is needed from you. I will call Monday unless you tell me a different day works better.”
Who does what
These role cards show responsibilities, not individual people. Questions about this page or its wording go to People Operations, which owns it.