Start with what happened and what needs to change
A practical conversation guide for managers
Fictional example: at Northstar Services, a project coordinator’s handoff notes arrived after the agreed 3 p.m. cutoff twice, delaying the next team’s review. The aim is not to label the person; it is to describe the behavior, explain its work impact, hear their view, and agree a workable change.
Keep the discussion private and focused on examples you can describe accurately. Separate what you observed from what you assume, and make room for context you may not know.
Replace judgment with an observable example
Describe an action and its effect rather than making a claim about someone’s character.
“You’re careless with handoffs.”
- It judges the person rather than naming an action.
- It gives no example the other person can clarify.
- It does not say what needs to change.
“The last two handoff notes arrived after the 3 p.m. cutoff, so the review started the next morning.”
- It identifies two specific, checkable examples.
- It explains the impact on the next team’s review.
- It leaves room to discuss context and agree a change.
Prepare, talk, agree, and follow up
A short sequence to keep the conversation specific and two-way
-
1
Prepare the examples
Write down the instances you can describe accurately, the agreed expectation, and the work impact. Check that you are not relying on hearsay or assumptions. -
2
Open with the purpose
Meet privately. State the behavior and impact plainly, then explain that you want to understand what happened and agree what should happen next. -
3
Listen and clarify
Pause. Ask for the other person’s view, listen without interrupting, and ask a neutral follow-up if you need to understand the sequence or constraints. -
4
Agree a specific change
Describe the next observable action and when it is expected. In the example, agree that the next handoff is sent by 3 p.m., or that the manager is told early when that cutoff is at risk. -
5
Set a follow-up point
Agree when you will check how the change is working. Ask what support or adjustment would help, and use the organization’s established people-support route if the matter needs additional guidance.
Respond to what you hear
Keep the conversation curious and grounded in the example.
If they disagree
If new context emerges
If the conversation becomes heated
Worked example: a short dialogue
Illustrative exchange based on the fictional handoff scenario
Manager: “I want to talk about the last two handoffs. Both notes arrived after the 3 p.m. cutoff, and the review started the next morning. I’d like to understand what happened and agree how we can keep the next handoff on track.”
Coordinator: “I was covering an urgent request at the end of the day, and I did not realize the review team was waiting on my note.”
Manager: “Thanks for explaining. When did you know the note might be late, and what would have helped you flag it sooner?”
Coordinator: “I could have sent a brief message when the urgent request came in.”
Manager: “Let’s agree that the next note is sent by 3 p.m. If it looks at risk, please flag that early so we can coordinate. We’ll check how that worked at our next regular check-in.”
This is an illustrative practice dialogue, not a record of a real employee conversation. Apply the actual expectation and context when agreeing next steps.
Check whether the change is working
Use the next regular check-in to review the agreement
Ask: “What changed, what got in the way, and what support or adjustment would help?” Compare what happened with the agreed action and timing. Recognize what improved, clarify any remaining gap, and agree the next step.
For sensitive employment matters or questions beyond your role, use your organization’s established people-support route rather than treating this practice guide as policy.