Treat the match as a starting point

A good working relationship depends on a shared understanding, not a guaranteed outcome.

In this fictional Northstar example, a match brings two people together to learn through conversation. In the first meeting, compare what each person hopes to get from the relationship and what each can realistically offer.

Agree how to raise a concern or request a change. A mentor can share experience, ask questions, and offer feedback; the mentee owns their choices and follow-through.

Use the first meeting to agree how you will work

  1. 1

    Compare goals

    Each person shares what they hope to learn. Choose one starting focus that feels useful to both.

  2. 2

    Choose a workable rhythm

    Discuss how often and for how long you can realistically meet; agree how you will reschedule when needed.

  3. 3

    Agree preparation and follow-up

    Decide what, if anything, to bring and how to capture a next action without sharing information that should stay in an appropriate work system.

  4. 4

    Name how to raise a mismatch

    Agree to say directly if the focus, pace, or working approach is not helping, and discuss a change together.

Make each role clear

The relationship works best when both people contribute and neither assumes the other owns every next step.

Mentee

Bring the learning focus and take the next action.

  • Share a specific question or situation.
  • Try agreed actions and reflect on what happened.
  • Say when the focus or format needs to change.

Mentor

Offer perspective and help the mentee think through options.

  • Listen before proposing solutions.
  • Share relevant experience without presenting it as a guaranteed path.
  • Give feedback on the agreed focus and respect boundaries.